11calls | It's where my demons hide, oh it's where my demons hide.

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It's where my demons hide, oh it's where my demons hide.

In the end it had been Simon. Alex had been aware that Simon was…watching her which sounded a hell of a lot better than stalking her since she’d heard their conversation when she’d recorded her sleep note. What Alex hadn’t realized then is just how much Simon had been protecting her or whatever and how often he’d been around. Sure, joking with Nic about Simon watching was one thing—what else is one supposed to do when you’ve got a dark sense of humor and a creepy bilocating kid with an obsession—but finding out that he’d actually been there and overheard those conversations was another thing entirely.

But in an effort to convince Alex to go to Turkey to meet him and the Horn of Tiamat, he’d come clean. Well, it was as clean as Simon had known how to come given all of his cryptic bullshit but she’d gotten the gist of it nonetheless. Alex had gotten the gist of it, and then she’d tried to hide from it, pulling the blankets over her head for a day and calling in sick and wondering if it could possibly be fucking true. That Strand was a demon and had been the entire time and that she had been friends with a demon, that she’d flirted with a demon, that she’d defended a demon and that Alex had bought into the lies and manipulations of a demon who was using her and her entire show for some untoward purpose that probably was the end of the world.

Honestly it was enough to make anyone take to their beds—even Alex Reagan with all of her bravery.

But it was only for one day, even if Alex did call out of work. Nic was more than happy to give her the time off considering it was Alex asking for it, and calls, texts and emails from Strand went entirely unanswered. The most important thing Alex knew from her investigation was that she needed two things in order to figure this out; to prove it: information and evidence. While Alex may not have been very good at collecting evidence of things (though now she can’t help but to wonder how much Strand and to a lesser extent Simon had sabotaged her efforts toward it) one thing that Alex was excellent at was collecting information and getting people to talk to her. Especially people with whom she’d already had a prior connection too.

Alex didn’t know if it was something in her voice or if it was just a case of it being the right moment but this time when she reached out to Charlie Strand, Charlie did agree to talk to her. Off the record, and Alex didn’t record it but it wasn’t about that. This had gone well past a story to the truth and Charlie told her how when they’d been out looking for Coralee, Strand had changed. It was what Charlie had meant by her not having a father anymore because the man who came back from those woods wasn’t her Dad. There had been moments in Charlie’s childhood where the man masquerading as her father had seemed to come out, but Coralee always managed to fix him. Without her stepmother, there was no hope in turning Richard Strand back into who he had been which was why Charlie was working at the Vatican hoping to find something that would work. So far? She hasn’t.

There was no way for Alex to get in touch with Coralee but there was another person who knew him, and Alex called her and begged in a way that she hadn’t when she’d talked to Cheryl before. Richard had moments of weirdness when they were children, but Howard had beaten it out of Richard. That was until Richie had gone looking for the body of Bobby Maimes that he’d seen within his dreams and came back entirely different.

It had taken a week to try and track these things down, and then Alex couldn’t sit on them anymore. She couldn’t keep pacing and waiting and worrying and talking to herself wondering if who she was actually talking to was Simon. In the end, it’s late when Alex drives to Howard’s house in the middle of a rainstorm. Knocking on his door, Alex just holds her breath not sure who—or what—was going to answer the door.

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"I'm scared."

The child who never got to be a child sniffs, "I'm so scared. I'm so scared that for all the things I've done I won't know peace." His chest hitches, "Because-"

"Don't say that." Richard's voice cuts in, "Don't say it. I promise you. You'll have sunsets." Impulsively he reaches out to the boy's cheek before pulling away and gritting his teeth.

He pulls away leaving Alex and Simon alone.

Simon squeezes Alex's fingers looking between them before focusing again on Alex and curling towards her.

He coughs once, twice.

His grip weakens.

A third cough.

"...Oh." his grip tightens suddenly. Oh.

Alex just looks to Richard for a moment when he leaves her alone, and she just swallows before she looks back down at Simon. There's no point in trying to stop herself from weeping openly as his hand weakens on hers, and she just leans forward, touching her forehead to his own as she does so.

"Simon. What does that mean?" Alex doesn't know, and it makes her even more concerned for him than she was before. Because she wants there to be a heaven where he can go, considering that this wasn't his fault. That he didn't deserve this.

That no child did.

"God, Simon I'm so sorry."

He gestures. A hand that points and than drops, "...Alex. the sun."

It's starting to go below the horizon and Simon gasps, "...The sun. The..."

His mind is running through itself, through his life, through Crowley, through everything that's happened as he smiles at her, "The sun. It's...ah-!"

His eyes glaze over, his chest stops moving and he lies there, frozen and still, with a hint of a smile on his face.

Alex wants to scream. She wants to scream and she tries to stop herself but then she does. Screaming isn't something that she normally does, even when she's scared out of her mind. She didn't scream when she found Maddie Franks, and Alex didn't scream when Richard's eyes went black, but here with the grief of Simon dying wrapping around her throat and sliding into her lungs she does.

"Simon." Alex says softly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Her hand reaches out and she closes his eyes, because that's about all that she's going to be able to do for him, which is ironic considering that he'd been the one who had opened her own.

Still holding onto his hand as the flesh starts to cool, Alex looks to Richard. "What do we do now?"

"We stop them." He stares, "We hope that there are others like me. I-"

He stares down at Simon, "He was your friend. I don't think I acknowledged how deep that went. I'm...sorry."

Edited 2020-07-30 20:52 (UTC)

Alex just whimpered softly, the tears still on her face before she just rested the hand she was holding against Simon's chest. Without thinking about the blood on her hands, Alex just buried her face in them for a moment, as if doing so would bring all of this back to a time when it wasn't so out of control.

"He tried to save me, Richard. He tried to stop me from getting deeper into this in his own way. I think he thought that I would run when he told me. Maybe I should have." Alex just sniffled for a moment before she pulled her hands down.

"Is she dead? Did Simon's death at least do that? And what about the demon inside of him that he was fighting?"

"She's dead."

That he knows for sure, "and the demon is-"

He gets no further as there's a hiss and something up against one of the tree trunks. In the fading light it looks like a shadow.

Richard stares at it, breathing slowly, before he kneels, placing himself in front of Simon's body. The shadow stares at the two of them before it raises a hand - and freezes.

Burned into the tree.

"...I think there's your answer."

Alex just watches the thing burned into the tree for a long moment, waiting for some sign that it was able to get out of that. She’s not stupid, Alex knows that she’s still a door for whatever and she’s all right there.

It’s not a good look honestly.

But Alex shifts her attention to Richard, her eyes wide. “You can banish demons?”

"They destroy themselves."

He shrugs, "If the host dies they have nowhere to go. People have to be...prepared to be like this."

He turns to the body and he looks sad, "...we should call someone and go."

He doesn't look at her, gaze focused on the body, "...There's nothing else we can do."

Alex just nods, and she touches Simon's hand again before she rises to her feet. "I know. There was probably nothing that we could have ever done really." There's a helplessness in Alex's voice that she doesn't like, and she just looks around for a long moment.

"Someone will come when they notice the house. They'll find him. I mean, they'll have to be an investigation into it. When this is all over," Alex doesn't say 'if' but there's a note of it there anyway, because jesus fuck she's tired and exhausting and hurting with this. "I'll claim his body, and give it a proper burial. He made me his next of kind before he'd even escaped Three Rivers. It's how I was able to get his medical records. And how he was able to call me so many times from the hospital, even if I didn't know it at the time." With Fred Barnes leaving and the new doctor coming in the hospital had just forgotten to inform her of that.

"Where do we go now, Richard? Other than a shower, because I'm pretty sure being covered in blood probably isn't a good look."

"We keep going." He reaches out for her before he lowers his hand and gestures, "...Come on."

The moment they're back to the hotel he'll just greet her, wearing a pair of pajamas procured at a gift shop and a basic tourist shirt. When they've both showered he lowers his gaze.

"He would have won." Richard Strand is firm, "He would have won."

There's a sad and distant look on Alex's face when he hands her the clothing after she gets out of the shower. Showering had taken her a long time, because even when she'd been scrubbed clean of blood, Alex had still felt like it was on her. Even after rubbing her skin pink Alex almost sore that it was. But she couldn't shower forever, and when she came out she just went to the minibar.

Pulling out every tiny bottle of bourbon that they had inside of there, Alex just handed one to Richard before she cracked her own open and sipped it as she dropped onto the bed. "He should have won." She can admit that. "He'd been so many years winning against it. I don't understand how he could have lost. He's..." Alex blanches and corrects almost immediately, "he was Simon. Could she have done something that tipped the balance in the demon's favor?"

"Yes."

Richard frowns, tilting his head to the side, "I think. I mean I don't know. He-"

Richard Strand is not a violent man. Sitting beside Alex and drinking however he is forced to confront that passive behavior because-

"I was focused on other things. I should have questioned her, I should have - relied on you - but I was more focused on killing her."

His gaze is haunted, "And I wanted to do it Alex. Because of what she did to Simon. Because of what they did to me." He frowns, And because I could. He doesn't say that. He can't. Because human emotions of shame well within him and he is - well - he is a liar.

"...I think. I think that demons are collecting people. I think that's why Simon triggered me, and why she must have triggered him. That at some point perhaps all over the world these...beings are being called to action."

He stares at his hands, then shudders, "But I don't think you started it. If she did trigger Simon, send him after me, than Warren must have triggered her. It all stems from him."

He has to die and Richard Strand the rational man wants to be the one to do it.

Alex just finishes the tiny bottle of bourbon and sets it on the floor at her feet, not wanting to shift away from him enough in order to put it on the table or something like that. Also, she definitely wants to drink another. And another. And another until she can't feel feelings anymore.

Or until this ache inside of her chest is full once more. Either or, Alex isn't really that picky.

"She was hurting me. She was hurting Simon. They'd hurt you. It may not have been rational or logical, but it still makes sense all the same. I mean, I probably would have thought about doing it too." And then not, because she's Alex and that's not who Alex is. Yet anyway. All of this might change them.

"Do you think..." Alex looks down at her own hands for a moment before she lifts her face and her dark and haunted eyes meet his own. "Do you think it's possible that Warren did all of this because he's trying to do something that he doesn't want us to know about? Like this being a diversion or something? I mean he clearly expected that you'd kill me or something when I went to your house." Alex isn't going to fill in that 'or something.' They both know what Azazel was thinking.

"And he knew I wouldn't let you leave Simon to her. That I wouldn't have left Simon to her. Maybe that's what Warren wants: us to chase these people all the way across the globe."

"I don't want to leave people in a place where they get hurt." He studies Alex, "...He-"

He pauses, "...If people can't be split. Than maybe they need to be taught how to...merge. Like I did."

His hands lay carefully on his knees, "...But I also really, really want to kill Warren."

"How do we do that? I mean, you're still learning how to do that. How to be you know, yourself there. How do we teach that to other people?" Because of course Alex is going to come with him to help, there's no way on the planet that she's not going to do that. It's just not her to do it.

But that doesn't mean that she thinks she's wrong about it maybe being a distraction.

Looking at him, Alex just nods and then takes one of her hands and wraps it around his own. "Does it help to know that I want to kill Warren right now too?"

His only response is to kiss her hand, holding it tightly and leaning against her.

"I love you."

He stares at his feet, "...Do. we kill Warren and than help people? Or stop him one soldier by one?"

"I love you too." Alex gives him a crooked little smile, the best that she can do really right now, considering everything and she just shifts to draw her knees up to her chest as she leans back against him as well. It's comforting to have him here, and Alex would never deny that. But she also remembers what Simon wanted her to remember so badly that it was the last thing he told her that wasn't goodbye.

He's not human. Be careful.

Alex doesn't want to dishonor Simon's memory, but she still doesn't think that he'd hurt her.

"Can he just keep making more soldiers though? If we don't stop him before he does, I mean. How many people are out there like me who have Doors that they just don't know about that Warren can use against them?"

He doesn't want people to be like him. The shame oozes in him, the feeling of inhumanity as he takes her hand and rubs over her knuckles with his thumb.

"...So we go to Geneva."

His hands are warm for once, blood flowing through his fingers.

"...I wish we could just go." his voice is husky and soft as he keeps hold of her hands like they're a marvel, a wonder.

"We go to Geneva." Alex just agrees softly. Maybe she shouldn't have made him get off of the plane before, but if she hadn't then he wouldn't be even a little bit at peace with who he was now. Without that sleep, without her here, who knows what Warren would have done to him.

And how long Alex herself would have been breathing for.

"I know you do. I wish we could too. But I don't think it's any coincidence that Simon was right here on the road where we were. I don't think that we'd get very far without another Simon somewhere." Which actually makes Alex gasp for a moment, and she just looks down at their hands.

Because what would be worse than losing Simon like that? Losing one of the actual children like that. Alex is already not going to forgive herself over Simon for a very long time. If it was a kid... she probably never would.

Richard takes Alex's hands and squeezes them. He doesn't look at her.

"...I love you Alex." He turns her to cup her cheek, "That is a lot of responsibility to place on one person but you are the one thing that I have seen, and held onto,and that is a lot to ask of you - to hear that. I can't protect you from things like that, but I want you to know that whatever happens I will stand by you."

She has seen him live, and die, and be born again.

His gaze is wholly human when he looks at her, "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry."

Alex just raises her eyes to him when he cups her cheek, and she doesn't look any better than she did when they'd left Simon honestly. It's not something that Alex can easily shake off, even if she knows that she needs too, and that Simon would want her to in order to end this. Still, she tries to give him a smile, even if it's a weak one.

"I love you too, Richard. And I know you are. I'm sorry too." She means it, because if she hadn't pushed him into this then it wouldn't have happened and the two of them wouldn't have ended up here, and Simon wouldn't be dead. She's going to be sorry for that for a long time, especially if other people are going to die because of it.

And Alex knows that they are.

"Listen Richard," Alex says softly, and she just kisses him for a moment before she speaks urgently, holding onto his face with her hands and not letting him break away from it. "If it comes down to saving the world or if it comes down to saving me, I need you to promise that you're going to put the world first. Please."

No.

It's an instant reaction. He withdraws and stares at her in shock and confusion because that's such an absurd request. He will sacrifice himself. Alex is the future, Alex will live.

His hands don't let go of hers but he's a deer in the headlights. It's on the tip of his tongue to deny it but -

"I could-"

No. No.

"I can't promise that please don't make me promise that."

"Richard you're the only one who has the power to stop Thomas Warren. I don't." It's something that makes sense giving what had happened in that clearing. That Warren wanted Richard to come to Geneva and was willing to do whatever he needed to do in order to make that happen.

"And do you think that I'd be able to live with myself if you had the choice between saving the world and saving me and you picked me? Richard, please. Please be sensible. Please."

Alex moves forward, so that she's practically in his lap, straddling him, and not letting him flinch away. "You wanted me to connect you too what's human. That's what I'm doing. Thomas Warren is going to try and use me, use this connection between us to try and get you to do what he wants." Because Alex has the terrible thought that part of what happened in the clearing was to see what it was that Richard would do when Alex was threatened. And they knew: he'd kill.

"Alex I'm not going to lose you."

His voice is hard and ice cold but he clings to her for a moment, leaning into her shoulder.

"I'm not going to lose you, don't make me promise that I've lost enough damn it."

The emotion in his voice is purely human, purely heartbroken, "I've lost my family, I've lost my daughter, my wife, and my humanity I'm not losing you too!"

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