11calls | It's where my demons hide, oh it's where my demons hide.

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It's where my demons hide, oh it's where my demons hide.

In the end it had been Simon. Alex had been aware that Simon was…watching her which sounded a hell of a lot better than stalking her since she’d heard their conversation when she’d recorded her sleep note. What Alex hadn’t realized then is just how much Simon had been protecting her or whatever and how often he’d been around. Sure, joking with Nic about Simon watching was one thing—what else is one supposed to do when you’ve got a dark sense of humor and a creepy bilocating kid with an obsession—but finding out that he’d actually been there and overheard those conversations was another thing entirely.

But in an effort to convince Alex to go to Turkey to meet him and the Horn of Tiamat, he’d come clean. Well, it was as clean as Simon had known how to come given all of his cryptic bullshit but she’d gotten the gist of it nonetheless. Alex had gotten the gist of it, and then she’d tried to hide from it, pulling the blankets over her head for a day and calling in sick and wondering if it could possibly be fucking true. That Strand was a demon and had been the entire time and that she had been friends with a demon, that she’d flirted with a demon, that she’d defended a demon and that Alex had bought into the lies and manipulations of a demon who was using her and her entire show for some untoward purpose that probably was the end of the world.

Honestly it was enough to make anyone take to their beds—even Alex Reagan with all of her bravery.

But it was only for one day, even if Alex did call out of work. Nic was more than happy to give her the time off considering it was Alex asking for it, and calls, texts and emails from Strand went entirely unanswered. The most important thing Alex knew from her investigation was that she needed two things in order to figure this out; to prove it: information and evidence. While Alex may not have been very good at collecting evidence of things (though now she can’t help but to wonder how much Strand and to a lesser extent Simon had sabotaged her efforts toward it) one thing that Alex was excellent at was collecting information and getting people to talk to her. Especially people with whom she’d already had a prior connection too.

Alex didn’t know if it was something in her voice or if it was just a case of it being the right moment but this time when she reached out to Charlie Strand, Charlie did agree to talk to her. Off the record, and Alex didn’t record it but it wasn’t about that. This had gone well past a story to the truth and Charlie told her how when they’d been out looking for Coralee, Strand had changed. It was what Charlie had meant by her not having a father anymore because the man who came back from those woods wasn’t her Dad. There had been moments in Charlie’s childhood where the man masquerading as her father had seemed to come out, but Coralee always managed to fix him. Without her stepmother, there was no hope in turning Richard Strand back into who he had been which was why Charlie was working at the Vatican hoping to find something that would work. So far? She hasn’t.

There was no way for Alex to get in touch with Coralee but there was another person who knew him, and Alex called her and begged in a way that she hadn’t when she’d talked to Cheryl before. Richard had moments of weirdness when they were children, but Howard had beaten it out of Richard. That was until Richie had gone looking for the body of Bobby Maimes that he’d seen within his dreams and came back entirely different.

It had taken a week to try and track these things down, and then Alex couldn’t sit on them anymore. She couldn’t keep pacing and waiting and worrying and talking to herself wondering if who she was actually talking to was Simon. In the end, it’s late when Alex drives to Howard’s house in the middle of a rainstorm. Knocking on his door, Alex just holds her breath not sure who—or what—was going to answer the door.

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"She's dead."

That he knows for sure, "and the demon is-"

He gets no further as there's a hiss and something up against one of the tree trunks. In the fading light it looks like a shadow.

Richard stares at it, breathing slowly, before he kneels, placing himself in front of Simon's body. The shadow stares at the two of them before it raises a hand - and freezes.

Burned into the tree.

"...I think there's your answer."

Alex just watches the thing burned into the tree for a long moment, waiting for some sign that it was able to get out of that. She’s not stupid, Alex knows that she’s still a door for whatever and she’s all right there.

It’s not a good look honestly.

But Alex shifts her attention to Richard, her eyes wide. “You can banish demons?”

"They destroy themselves."

He shrugs, "If the host dies they have nowhere to go. People have to be...prepared to be like this."

He turns to the body and he looks sad, "...we should call someone and go."

He doesn't look at her, gaze focused on the body, "...There's nothing else we can do."

Alex just nods, and she touches Simon's hand again before she rises to her feet. "I know. There was probably nothing that we could have ever done really." There's a helplessness in Alex's voice that she doesn't like, and she just looks around for a long moment.

"Someone will come when they notice the house. They'll find him. I mean, they'll have to be an investigation into it. When this is all over," Alex doesn't say 'if' but there's a note of it there anyway, because jesus fuck she's tired and exhausting and hurting with this. "I'll claim his body, and give it a proper burial. He made me his next of kind before he'd even escaped Three Rivers. It's how I was able to get his medical records. And how he was able to call me so many times from the hospital, even if I didn't know it at the time." With Fred Barnes leaving and the new doctor coming in the hospital had just forgotten to inform her of that.

"Where do we go now, Richard? Other than a shower, because I'm pretty sure being covered in blood probably isn't a good look."

"We keep going." He reaches out for her before he lowers his hand and gestures, "...Come on."

The moment they're back to the hotel he'll just greet her, wearing a pair of pajamas procured at a gift shop and a basic tourist shirt. When they've both showered he lowers his gaze.

"He would have won." Richard Strand is firm, "He would have won."

There's a sad and distant look on Alex's face when he hands her the clothing after she gets out of the shower. Showering had taken her a long time, because even when she'd been scrubbed clean of blood, Alex had still felt like it was on her. Even after rubbing her skin pink Alex almost sore that it was. But she couldn't shower forever, and when she came out she just went to the minibar.

Pulling out every tiny bottle of bourbon that they had inside of there, Alex just handed one to Richard before she cracked her own open and sipped it as she dropped onto the bed. "He should have won." She can admit that. "He'd been so many years winning against it. I don't understand how he could have lost. He's..." Alex blanches and corrects almost immediately, "he was Simon. Could she have done something that tipped the balance in the demon's favor?"

"Yes."

Richard frowns, tilting his head to the side, "I think. I mean I don't know. He-"

Richard Strand is not a violent man. Sitting beside Alex and drinking however he is forced to confront that passive behavior because-

"I was focused on other things. I should have questioned her, I should have - relied on you - but I was more focused on killing her."

His gaze is haunted, "And I wanted to do it Alex. Because of what she did to Simon. Because of what they did to me." He frowns, And because I could. He doesn't say that. He can't. Because human emotions of shame well within him and he is - well - he is a liar.

"...I think. I think that demons are collecting people. I think that's why Simon triggered me, and why she must have triggered him. That at some point perhaps all over the world these...beings are being called to action."

He stares at his hands, then shudders, "But I don't think you started it. If she did trigger Simon, send him after me, than Warren must have triggered her. It all stems from him."

He has to die and Richard Strand the rational man wants to be the one to do it.

Alex just finishes the tiny bottle of bourbon and sets it on the floor at her feet, not wanting to shift away from him enough in order to put it on the table or something like that. Also, she definitely wants to drink another. And another. And another until she can't feel feelings anymore.

Or until this ache inside of her chest is full once more. Either or, Alex isn't really that picky.

"She was hurting me. She was hurting Simon. They'd hurt you. It may not have been rational or logical, but it still makes sense all the same. I mean, I probably would have thought about doing it too." And then not, because she's Alex and that's not who Alex is. Yet anyway. All of this might change them.

"Do you think..." Alex looks down at her own hands for a moment before she lifts her face and her dark and haunted eyes meet his own. "Do you think it's possible that Warren did all of this because he's trying to do something that he doesn't want us to know about? Like this being a diversion or something? I mean he clearly expected that you'd kill me or something when I went to your house." Alex isn't going to fill in that 'or something.' They both know what Azazel was thinking.

"And he knew I wouldn't let you leave Simon to her. That I wouldn't have left Simon to her. Maybe that's what Warren wants: us to chase these people all the way across the globe."

"I don't want to leave people in a place where they get hurt." He studies Alex, "...He-"

He pauses, "...If people can't be split. Than maybe they need to be taught how to...merge. Like I did."

His hands lay carefully on his knees, "...But I also really, really want to kill Warren."

"How do we do that? I mean, you're still learning how to do that. How to be you know, yourself there. How do we teach that to other people?" Because of course Alex is going to come with him to help, there's no way on the planet that she's not going to do that. It's just not her to do it.

But that doesn't mean that she thinks she's wrong about it maybe being a distraction.

Looking at him, Alex just nods and then takes one of her hands and wraps it around his own. "Does it help to know that I want to kill Warren right now too?"

His only response is to kiss her hand, holding it tightly and leaning against her.

"I love you."

He stares at his feet, "...Do. we kill Warren and than help people? Or stop him one soldier by one?"

"I love you too." Alex gives him a crooked little smile, the best that she can do really right now, considering everything and she just shifts to draw her knees up to her chest as she leans back against him as well. It's comforting to have him here, and Alex would never deny that. But she also remembers what Simon wanted her to remember so badly that it was the last thing he told her that wasn't goodbye.

He's not human. Be careful.

Alex doesn't want to dishonor Simon's memory, but she still doesn't think that he'd hurt her.

"Can he just keep making more soldiers though? If we don't stop him before he does, I mean. How many people are out there like me who have Doors that they just don't know about that Warren can use against them?"

He doesn't want people to be like him. The shame oozes in him, the feeling of inhumanity as he takes her hand and rubs over her knuckles with his thumb.

"...So we go to Geneva."

His hands are warm for once, blood flowing through his fingers.

"...I wish we could just go." his voice is husky and soft as he keeps hold of her hands like they're a marvel, a wonder.

"We go to Geneva." Alex just agrees softly. Maybe she shouldn't have made him get off of the plane before, but if she hadn't then he wouldn't be even a little bit at peace with who he was now. Without that sleep, without her here, who knows what Warren would have done to him.

And how long Alex herself would have been breathing for.

"I know you do. I wish we could too. But I don't think it's any coincidence that Simon was right here on the road where we were. I don't think that we'd get very far without another Simon somewhere." Which actually makes Alex gasp for a moment, and she just looks down at their hands.

Because what would be worse than losing Simon like that? Losing one of the actual children like that. Alex is already not going to forgive herself over Simon for a very long time. If it was a kid... she probably never would.

Richard takes Alex's hands and squeezes them. He doesn't look at her.

"...I love you Alex." He turns her to cup her cheek, "That is a lot of responsibility to place on one person but you are the one thing that I have seen, and held onto,and that is a lot to ask of you - to hear that. I can't protect you from things like that, but I want you to know that whatever happens I will stand by you."

She has seen him live, and die, and be born again.

His gaze is wholly human when he looks at her, "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry."

Alex just raises her eyes to him when he cups her cheek, and she doesn't look any better than she did when they'd left Simon honestly. It's not something that Alex can easily shake off, even if she knows that she needs too, and that Simon would want her to in order to end this. Still, she tries to give him a smile, even if it's a weak one.

"I love you too, Richard. And I know you are. I'm sorry too." She means it, because if she hadn't pushed him into this then it wouldn't have happened and the two of them wouldn't have ended up here, and Simon wouldn't be dead. She's going to be sorry for that for a long time, especially if other people are going to die because of it.

And Alex knows that they are.

"Listen Richard," Alex says softly, and she just kisses him for a moment before she speaks urgently, holding onto his face with her hands and not letting him break away from it. "If it comes down to saving the world or if it comes down to saving me, I need you to promise that you're going to put the world first. Please."

No.

It's an instant reaction. He withdraws and stares at her in shock and confusion because that's such an absurd request. He will sacrifice himself. Alex is the future, Alex will live.

His hands don't let go of hers but he's a deer in the headlights. It's on the tip of his tongue to deny it but -

"I could-"

No. No.

"I can't promise that please don't make me promise that."

"Richard you're the only one who has the power to stop Thomas Warren. I don't." It's something that makes sense giving what had happened in that clearing. That Warren wanted Richard to come to Geneva and was willing to do whatever he needed to do in order to make that happen.

"And do you think that I'd be able to live with myself if you had the choice between saving the world and saving me and you picked me? Richard, please. Please be sensible. Please."

Alex moves forward, so that she's practically in his lap, straddling him, and not letting him flinch away. "You wanted me to connect you too what's human. That's what I'm doing. Thomas Warren is going to try and use me, use this connection between us to try and get you to do what he wants." Because Alex has the terrible thought that part of what happened in the clearing was to see what it was that Richard would do when Alex was threatened. And they knew: he'd kill.

"Alex I'm not going to lose you."

His voice is hard and ice cold but he clings to her for a moment, leaning into her shoulder.

"I'm not going to lose you, don't make me promise that I've lost enough damn it."

The emotion in his voice is purely human, purely heartbroken, "I've lost my family, I've lost my daughter, my wife, and my humanity I'm not losing you too!"

"Fuck." It's soft and quiet and so very sad, but it's also followed by: "I can't do that to you." Alex means it, because she can't, not when he puts it that way. She wants too, and if it weren't for the end of that sentence she might have pressed on it more. She might have made him promised anyway. But she can't, not now.

Instead, Alex just sniffles, and she rests her forehead against his own, her eyes closed. She's crying again, because her heart is breaking, and it's been breaking since he'd told her that Simon was there and that the two of them should leave the boy to his fate.

It's breaking even more, because he's still dead and Richard has still lost his humanity, and Thomas Warren is still threatening the world. "I don't know how to fix it," Alex just whimpers. "I don't know how to fix any of it."

"We work together."

He just wants to hold her and be held by her, "And we...we play it by ear. It's us Alex." he strokes her cheek, wiping away her tears, "I swear to you. This is going to have a happy ending. No matter what the circumstances of it."

Drawing her face to his he kisses her softly.

"Just moment by moment."

Alex wants to believe him, she really does. She is trying to believe him, and she just kisses him softly, gently and sweetly with her arms wrapping around his neck. She's holding onto him for dear life, because Alex is terrified that if she doesn't, then she's either going to go spinning off the cliff into complete despair, or he's going to, and Alex can't let either of those happen. She won't.

So, she moves, and just tugs him down onto the bed, and asks him softly, her voice little and exhausted, the grief etched into it like the fear had been on the sleep note, but it was the same sort of entirely overwhelmed feeling. "Will you just hold me, Richard? Please? Until we fall asleep?" Because she's worried about them both and because honestly, Alex Reagan has never needed a hug so badly in her entire life.

He doesn't respond for a moment before he wraps himself around her, tucking her under the crook of his chin and spooning her from behind. Holding her against him, he's warm and safe and he silences every part of him sensing the forces of darkness.

"...What can I do for you Alex. Tell me."

Alex wishes that she had a clear answer for him. She wishes that there was something going forward that would make things easier, that could undo the ache that's in her chest and has been for so long. God, she's tired. She's so tired she's pretty sure that she's never going to be not tired again in her life.

If she has one after they're done with this. Honestly, she doesn't think that she does. Alex isn't being fatalistic, not really. Fatalistic isn't who she is at her core. But what Alex Reagan is, and has always been is genre savvy. She's not the hero in this narrative, even if she is a protagonist, and her show is the lens through which the world has been altered and changed. What Alex is, really, as evident by the way that he holds her, the way that Richard Strand had died to save her to become reborn as this Richard is the love interest.

Love interests in genre stories don't typically get happy ever afters at the end of the world, or beyond it.

So, Alex just lets out a sigh, a shuddering breath and she keeps her eyes closed. "You can't do anything. I'm just so tired and I can't seem to stop my brain from going." There's a pause. "I'm just tired. I don't know how the hell I ended up here causing the end of the world. I'm just me. I'm not good at this, and I have no idea how to fix it."

Demons were angels once.

Apparently. And armed with abilities and memories of being demonic - of being a wretched shadow creature - he has nothing he can do. No angelic sense of healing. Nothing that he can do to make her feel better.

It's not fair.

He has been aware the universe isn't fair for years now, since childhood, since his invasion. Gently stroking her hair he hesitates.

"I can put you to sleep." He hesitates, "I can - I think - take away that stress for an evening. Or a day."

He sounds lost for half a heartbeat before he kisses her cheek.

"Or I can just hold you. This frustration hurts."

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