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There was a sense of anticipation in the air that Alex doesn't like one damned bit. It feels too familiar to her, too similar to the way that the world felt after Coralee and Warren, after they'd learned about the Axis Mundae. It had been days since she'd seen Strand, it feels like and Alex missed him. After their fight when she'd gotten back from Turkey, things had been better. Or at least they'd seem better to Alex once he'd gotten his anger out of his system, once he'd used Coralee's name and the nature of his relationship with her as a blunt weapon that was swung whenever the two of them had become too close.

But the thing of it was that Alex hadn't done anything this time. There'd been no fights, nothing that had caused him to pick up his toys and stomp off home as he had so many times before. There was nothing wrong other than the fact that Richard was gone. Her calls were sent to voicemail, her texts and emails went unanswered and even calling Ruby wasn't helpful in the slightest. Not that it ever really was when Alex needed to deal with his broad punk wall of an assistant.

So, she just tried to continue on as normal, as if he was just taking a break outside the room. Throwing herself into her work is second nature for Alex, but Nic had decreed that the studio needed to be empty by ten in order for Alex to get some sleep. It never worked for her of course--Alex just took the work home and spread it on her coffee table. A fresh brewed cup of coffee from her french press had been made and Alex was still sitting on the floor with her back to her couch as she went over everything that she had with a pen in her hand and a heavily filled notebook at her side.

Granted, due to the fact that she was home, Alex was wearing comfortable pajamas: an old and well-loved pnws shirt that had been hers since she’d been an intern (complete with a hole on the collar) and a pair of old boxer shorts that had never belonged to anyone but her—they fit her too well for that. With the heavy makeup that Alex normally wore to hide the dark circle under her eyes, they’re prominent and so is the smattering of freckles across her face. Her hair is still damp from the shower, and tied up into a messy bun at the base of her neck. With Nic gone in Russia and all of her friends having been pushed away due to work, Alex wasn’t expecting company. She definitely wasn’t expecting Richard considering she always went to his father’s house or came to the studio. Oh, she knows he knows where she lives (Alex has pointed out her apartment building more than once) but him coming to her seems entirely laughable at this point.

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It's so hard to describe Alex.

[He exhales, studying her making coffee. Watching the water run it feels like everything is heightened, everything is aching but he still sounds excited. An exhausted type of excitement.]

It feels...like floating. Like when you're in an elevator and your stomach drops or rises depending on the feeling but you're there. You are actually in two places at once. I have to wonder if there's a reason for it. Everything shifts and moves and it's like you're...aware of the nebulous connections between us and the world around us.

It's terrifying. It's beautiful and terrifying. But if I can understand it...

[Alex just fixes their coffee while he explains, and while she starts the French press she doesn’t bother with a timer. Alex knows in her soul exactly how long it takes now. Fixing their cups the way they like them while she waits and he explains, Alex also throws in toast for them and grabs him water from her fridge and Advil which she sets down in front of him quickly.]

You think if you understand it you can control it?

It's like exercising a muscle. Mine's just atrophied.

[Briefly he wonders what might have happened if his father was a man who hadn't been so harsh or cruel, or secretive. Then he realizes it wouldn't be the same at all. He would still be who he was and he would still be who he was...]

I should have been able to do this for Charlie. The fact that Coralee did...

[Rankles? that's a good word. He takes the advil and the toast looking at her.] Don't be scared of this. It's still...me.

[He doesn't sound unsure and he's proud of that because he sure as hell feels unsure. Thinking about feelings however makes him loll his head back.]

Christ. I have to go back to my house still. To get my notes.

Damn. It feels so strange to actually have to put a presentation together now.

[While he speaks, the coffee finishes and she pours them out two cups, and then she spreads two pieces of toast with butter and jelly, one for him and one for her before she just sits down at the table next to him. Giving him a hurt look, she just cups her hands around her cup and breathes on it.]

I'm not scared of this. I know you're still you, and you don't scare me Richard. You never have.

But it'll be okay. And let's be honest, Warren really doesn't care about your lecture. He's probably going to try and intercept you as soon as you get to the hotel. Less busy and public than the airport.

I like giving lectures.

[He snorts, staring at his hands before looking up at her with affection. With love. Moving over to the other side of the table with her he kisses her cheek.]

I love breakfast.

[When Alex laughs, it’s soft and kind and full of fondness and yes, love. Because she does love him beyond a reasonable measure and this is the first time that she doesn’t need to wall it up brick by brick in her mind.]

Trust me love, [the form of endearment comes so easily from her lips that she doesn’t even think about it.] I am more than aware of how much you like to lecture.

[But she does caress his cheek, her eyes sparkling.]

It’s just toast you know. And coffee. And that’s half of my ability to cook right there.

[He chuckles lazily.]

I like it when you call me love. Darling.

[It doesn't matter. Darling. Darling. He could call her darling. No. He called her darling.

The word could be reclaimed.]

But I am going to teach you how to make breakfast.

Okay, love.

[Alex says it with a big grin and far more intentional than she had the first time, leaning over and pressing her lips to his quickly, but she let them linger there for a moment, tasting the coffee and the jam that she'd gotten from the farmer's market along with the good and healthy bread. But below it all, he tasted like himself, and that was the most important part of it for Alex. And it always would be.]

But you should know that everyone who has ever tried to teach me to cook has been left a frustrated, heaving mass of despair. I kind of want to spare you from that.

I can handle grad students Alex. If I can teach a dozen and one grad students about ancient Sumerian...

But it will have to wait.

[He sounds excited then.] Because we're going back to my house today to pack right? I need want to get some books too.

Yeah you can handle grad students and ancient Sumatran but can you handle me? I am after all you know...

[Is Alex teasing him, you bet that she is, complete with a broad grin.]

Okay I should hop in the shower and get dressed so we can get going over there. Can you give me like fifteen minutes, love?

[He stares at his outfit before staring at her with a positively wicked look. Want me to join you. It's not sent at her - he throws up a flimsy wall between it just in time - but the intent is there - he can't keep that out of her mind.

The urge fades and he nods.]

I'll be here trying to sober up.

[Honestly he wouldn’t even need to do anything close to sending it to her mind for Alex to get the message loud and clear. She is, after all not a blushing teenage bride. She’s 33 and has definitely had people look at her that way before and she’s definitely looked at people that way before.

Including him.

So she does give him a wicked smile in return and just kisses him soundly.]

Have some more coffee. Then we’ll go to Howard’s house and get your things and come back.

And then maybe I’ll jump into the shower with you, love.

[His smile is lazy as he waits for her to return, standing and stretching before staring down at his pants a little sheepishly.]

I've never gone out in public dressed like this before.

Well unfortunately I didn’t get you a suit for your birthday.

[Alex is just combing her hair as she comes out, tucking it behind her ears for a moment with a broad grin across her face.]

But you could always put the one you wore yesterday on if you’re sheepish? Or my car is in the garage here. No one would see from there when we pulled into the driveway at your fathers house.

No it's fine.

It's...weirdly freeing. To just be able to do things like this I've never done anything like this before. And I feel comfortable for the first time in years.

[He sticks his hands in his pockets.]

[That just makes Alex laugh, it’s a real one, ringing and true. Then she just kisses him gently as she wraps her hand around his own.]

Okay making a note to find you more weird comfy pajama pants. Got it.

Edited 2020-04-19 01:55 (UTC)

I'll compromise and buy ...

[They're walking down to the car and his hand squeezes hers. He feels less inclined to run away in her arms, and it's good. He never assumed that he would be like this this. Needing someone in such a way.]

Strange animal slippers. To match whatever you get.

When Charlie was about 10 she bought me a pair that looked like lizard feet.

[Getting into her car he exhales, staring out the window of the vehicle.]

...Where's the one place in the world you've always wanted to go?

Strange animal slippers huh? I'm definitely thinking that you need dinosaur pajamas next then. You've got a deal to keep now.

[Alex just gives him an easy grin as she starts her car and pulls out of the parking space, sliding into Seattle traffic easily.]

I'd like to go New Zealand sometime. But spending a full day on a plane definitely doesn't remind me of a good time, you know?

It's a chance to read.

[Give her something to hope for. As they turn the corner onto his father's victorian street he smiles softly.] Let's do it. When this is done.

I'll buy tickets.

Really? Somehow I don’t see you as the type who wants to spend time on beaches no matter how lovely they are.

[There’s a beat and a flirty grin as she pulls into Howard’s driveway.]

Or how tiny your lover’s bikini happens to be.

Bikinis are on the table? I'll make an exception.

[He smirks at her, climbing out of the car to stare at the house. One twist. One good thing about all of this is that he will never see this place again.

Even if it feels like his home. Like a curse.

His throat works and he hesitates before striding into the door.]

...I should sell this place. When we get back.

[When you get back]

Definitely on the table. And on the bedroom floor I'd think.

[She smirks back at him before coming to stand next to him, looking up at the house that is always Howard's and not really Richard's-- it's odd because it's something that's true for both of them even when Nic or Ruby calls it his place.]

Okay. We can go wherever you want, do whatever you want. Selling it seems like a good idea, love. But for now, let's go in and get the stuff you're going to need to stay at my place and then to head to Geneva.

[And then to give him courage, Alex just slides her fingers between his own.]

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