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This is Alex, leave a message.
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This is Alex, leave a message.
[ text ● voice ● pic ● vid ● action ]
This is Alex, leave a message.
[ text ● voice ● pic ● vid ● action ]
This is Alex, leave a message.
[ text ● voice ● pic ● vid ● action ]
For magichorrorvision
Okay. That’s a fair assessment. And where do your intentions typically tend to lay, Mr. Sims?
[Nosy little journalist isn't she? ]
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So it sounds to me, Mr. Sims, that you’re doing the best you can with the information that you have available. Yeah, it’s enhanced information or whatever but something is still gatekeeping things from you.
I don’t know. That still feels pretty human to me.
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[there’s a small laugh, that’s not even bitter, it just works with a familiar bad joke.]
My friends would say it’s because I’m severely lacking in any sense of self-preservation. They’re not even wrong.
[But then more seriously, and Alex just sounds tired, so the Canadian notes of her accent come out much easier than her normal radio-ready voice.]
I got too invested, too obsessed with really, with a story that I’m working on. I just couldn’t leave it alone. I had far too many questions, too many things didn’t add up, there were too many connections that people were ignoring on purpose.
So I kept going deeper into the story, investigating more. Terrifying things kept happening, real things. But I couldn’t stop looking into them. Even when I couldn’t sleep, even when my journalism ethics were hanging on by a thread, even when I knew that the answers were going to lead me to places that I shouldn’t want to go? I did. And I became the worst version of myself. I was paranoid, being stalked, I was losing it and I was jealous.
So I made some genuinely bad choices and some genuinely terrible mistakes. It cost me a lot. It’s still costing me a lot and it’s not even anywhere near over.
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[ He feels like all he does is apologize these days, for things that are and aren't his fault. For things that he can't fix. At some point the word loses all meaning. Somewhere at he back of his mind he can practically hear Martin telling him being sorry and being empathetic are two different things.] Do you have people you can rely on for support or are you on your own?
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I know you do. Know. I mean.
[But she does laugh softly.]
That’s a really complicated question. People like us, the ones who get obsessed, we kinda tend to let people that aren’t that thing or connected to that thing slip away, you know? Your friends become Christmas card lists and your coworkers become your friends and then they become the only people you ever see.
[a beat]
And then when things get bad enough, you fight with them more bitterly than anyone else because they know where all your soft spots are. Add in grand scale destruction? It tends to make one feel more lonely than they probably should, speaking from experience.
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[ Her answer sounds more like a no than anything else.]
I suppose grand scale destruction isn't for the faint of heart. It's hard for me to dismiss things as a mistake or a bad choice because the lessons learned are so painful. It seems wrong to catalogue them as just one thing. Maybe, they're a little of both. But I hope that most of my missteps came from ignorance rather than a decision I made. That's easier to live with.
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[it’s not exactly a no, but it’s not exactly a yes either. It’s complicated, and Alex doesn’t know quite how to make it uncomplicated when it comes down to it.]
I look at it this way. Maybe it’s because of me, or maybe it’s despite me but the world is still going. We still don’t have the Apocalypse quite yet, you know?
We’re still trying and that counts, Mr. Sims. Even we when we get things wrong or act like assholes.
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For teaandpoetry
Only the smallest amount of judging actually. I'm self aware enough to know when I'm a hypocrite and god knows I do a lot of stupid things for being a smart person.
I am sighing a lot though.
And worried about all of it? Look, if I think something sounds like a bad idea, alarm bells should be going off in your head, Martin.
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It’s a start. What do you need?
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