11calls | IC Contact

[Alex just holds him tighter for a moment when he denies it again, just enough to let him know that she's not buying it at all. He's definitely not got a friend, he's just got him, and then she tugs him into her office and shuts the door. The interns know enough to know that if the door is shut, to stay the hell out of it.

And it helps that her office is pretty soundproof too.]

Don't ever tell someone it's your friend, Peter. It never works out, okay?

[He sighs quietly into her shoulder, closing his eyes and letting it be. He'd... honestly cried everything out at this point, in the privacy of a rooftop, or of his new apartment, or wherever he could afford to be alone. It's hard enough to cry in front of Athena like he did, or how he'd nearly broken apart in front of May about the internship — which feels so stupid, now, knowing what he knows.]

I don't wanna freak you or anyone else out.

Think I've done that enough to people.

Peter, speaking as someone who cares about you, you don't have to worry about freaking me out. People who care are gonna want to be there for you with this. I know I do. It's why you haven't been sleeping, right? This fear and this guilt?

[He nods tiredly.]

At first it was, um. It was knowing people I cared about were gonna die at home.

[He steps back, rubbing his arm.]

... Then it was knowing I was.

[It feels a little freeing, to be so open about it. Other than the people from home, he'd only told Athena. And it was... it was really cathartic, to explain, or risk exploding. Imploding, more like. But he can't help but feel like he's being an asshole, to unload on other people. It's not their problem, and there's nothing he can do.

... But... he also knows he wouldn't feel that way if it was someone coming to him.]

Edited 2018-09-03 06:08 (UTC)

[Without saying anything for a moment, Alex just moves to the couch to sit down, and she gives him a little tug to sit down too. This conversation doesn't seem to be one that they should have standing in the door to her office either way, especially when he says that he knew it was him.

Her heart just breaks for him because he's just a kid and he deserves so much better than all of that. He doesn't deserve to die and he definitely doesn't deserve to know that he's going to die.

So Alex is going to do what Alex does best and ask some questions.]

Do the other people from your world, did they know about their deaths and yours before? Or was it something that you received in a canister?

[She's really hoping it's not a Final Destination sort of setting, honestly.]

[He is easy to pull along, and he sits without a smudge of resistance.]

I knew about some of their deaths. I was told about what happened at home, so I — I was aware things were gonna get bad. Real bad. I hadn't... I haven't talked to everyone from home, so I'm not sure who else knows the stuff I do.

[He looks at his feet, fidgeting.]

... Only one person knew I was gonna die.

I figured it out when I saw my ghost haunting him, during one of our missions.

[He looks up at her, clearing his throat and smiling — sheepishly, miserably.]

Wasn't really the kind of ghost I was hoping for, from our talks.

[Alex is just sitting facing him, the frown fixed on her face. She's angry at the universe where he's from where this would happen (even though she knew it happened all the time in her own. All she needed to do was to think about the missing Hochmans for that.) But she can't help wondering how many of them were going to die, and if she knew who they were.

However, that wasn't important right now, what was important right now was one: Peter had seen himself as a ghost and two: Peter was doing what she did and trying to cover it up with bad jokes and miserable horror.]

They never are, I don't think.

[That said, she's going to reach out and hug Peter again, holding him fiercely tight.]

But you don't have to feel guilty that you have this extra time here. Whatever brings us here, it wanted you here for a reason. Maybe that extra time is the reason. Giving you a bit of the life you might lose.

[She can't say 'will lose,' Alex refuses to believe that death is inevitable.]

[He leans into the hug, and you know, hugs just make things better. Right? People should really accept them more often, because it means a world of difference. Is it childish, to sag with relief into embraces? How often do heroes avoid letting someone support them like this? Other guys going headlong into adulthood? Part of him wonders if that's what he'll have to start doing, and part of him thinks they're doing it all wrong anyway.

He closes his eyes, feeling smaller than her, despite how he's certainly not kid-sized anymore.

Sometime, sooner or later, he'll grow up, he swears.

... Or he supposes he won't grow up, too literally.]

How do you stop feeling guilty? Sounds fake.

[He laughs, humorlessly.]

This guy, this bad dude... he killed half of the universe. Half of earth's gone now.

Feels unfair, that I'm one of trillions of lives who got another chance.

[If he's looking for someone to talk him out of the healing powers of hugs, then he's come to the wrong person, because Alex Reagan is both a big hugger and a big believer in hugging people. Which is definitely why she's just letting him sag into her while she makes soothing noises and rubs his back. It's what she's done for loads of interns who've broken up with their partners, so she's got a good baseline for it.

And honestly, Alex definitely knows that the whole not feeling guilty thing sounds fake. If she had a magic wand to fix it, she'd wave it over herself, and then she'd start lining up the people in her life to do it to in order to free them all from it.

However, she goes entirely still when he says that the guy killed half the universe. That's not something that she's ever really needed to consider before. Yes, things were terrible if she and Richard went to Geneva (or if they didn't honestly) but that was just one planet. This was the whole universe, or half of it anyway. Jesus, no wonder the kid wasn't sleeping. There was every chance that Alex would never sleep again, if it was her.]

I honestly don't know what to say to the number of people who are dead, because god, it's horrible, and I'm sorry isn't really a good word for it, but I'm so sorry that you needed to deal with it. That you're still dealing with it, and so are so many of your friends.

[There's a beat and it's an almost audible but.]

Something felt that you were worthy, Peter. Something felt that you deserved this time, and this chance. I think that second chances are rare, and the best thing that we can do is not waste them. Not that you have to feel good about it all the time or something, because honestly, how could you? But I think that it's okay that you use it, that you do things with it too. Life is for the living, and you're still here and you're still alive and still relatively safe. You have a right to the air in your lungs and to things that make you laugh, and to things that make you cry. You're still here.

[He nods, and god, it's only the tip of the iceberg. How was he even gonna explain that he was actually Spider-Man and that he'd gone to another planet, had fought the very guy who did it? It sounds insane, honestly. But it's still... something. It's reassurance, that maybe he could live here without feeling that impossible pressure at the base of his neck — tons in weight of guilt.

And it's not all gone, but there's someone else telling him its okay to live as best he could here. A couple tons off him, that. He's still not sure how long he'll stay, but... he can at least feel like he's been given this for some reason. Maybe to protect some people in Riverview. Maybe to just enjoy some of whatever he's got left. Who knows.

When he leans back, his eyes are wet, and he wipes the evidence away quickly.]

I have a to-do list for Riverview. Uh. Really stupid stuff, but things people try to do before they die, you know? I figure I'd try to get as much done as I can while I figure things out.

[Alex is never going to make fun of someone who has a bucket list. She may or may not have had one herself a year or so ago. Of course, it didn't help that someone had sent them a timer that counted down the minutes until their supposed year was up. Granted, Alex had spent it alone in a cabin in the woods (not the brightest idea she'd ever had) but she understood that urge and that certainity that something was gonna happen.

So, she just gives Peter a sad but reassuring smile.]

I think it's a great idea, honestly. What sort of things are on Peter Parker's bucket list? Anything I can help with?

[He sniffs and pulls off his backpack, unzipping it and rustling through until he finds one of those general spiral notebooks; it looks plenty worn, but any pages from before have been torn out, leaving only a handful of loose survivors. Handing it over, the first page reveals a work-in-progress bucket list.]

I... think it's mostly done. I dunno.

I'm not very good at thinking up things to add lately.

[There is honestly, some part of her that hurts deeply at this kid, this frankly amazing kid handing over a bucket list that he's going to complete before he becomes eighteen. The sadness lingers in her smile, but there definitely is one as she looked at the list quickly. God, how she wished that she had the ability to grant him so many of these things, especially that third to last one. She wants him to be an adult and to have all of the time that he needs to have so many birthdays before he needs to go home and do what he needs to do. But Alex isn't going to tell him that, and instead, she gives a quizzing frown at the second one, and of course at the one about may not being able to give blood. Alex was a question asker, and there was no way she was letting that go without saying something.]

Don't get me wrong, Spiderman is cool and what he's doing is great, [Allex works for the news service, she's definitely heard more than a few reports of the good things that he's done.] But why is owning merch for him so important to you? [It was second, which meant he thought of it rather quickly. It was... interesting.

A beat passed before she added:]

Why wouldn't you be able to give blood? Are you sick, Peter?

Well...

[He rubs the back of his neck, legs crossing. He has to fight the urge to blush at that compliment. She thinks Spider-Man's cool...? Man.]

Spider-Man's a cool dude. I think superheroes in general are amazing, but he doesn't have any merch like Iron Man or Captain America, s-so...

[Ah—]

And — I'm not sick, I promise. That would be just bad news on top of more bad news, right? It's... I dunno how it works. Same with organ donors here... If I need permission from a guardian, or if anything I've had before would stop me from giving any...

I heard this one girl, Cindy, she had mono once, so they didn't let her do the blood drive.

... I think in was mono, anyway...

[Alex just studied him for a moment, because her gut (which she always trusts because even when it ends up badly, it's normally right and she is pretty good at knowing when someone is hiding something from her) is telling her that there's more to it than all of that. So, her brow is going towards her hairline with a question that she doesn't ask. At least not yet. If there's one good thing about her constant contact with Strand is that he's wearing on her, so she wants tangible data on whatever the hell this is.

She just doesn't know yet. But she knows it's something.

That said, there's more than a little relief in her voice that he's not sick on top of everything.]

Well, I bet I can help with some of those. And for the record, pot's definitely safe. My sleep therapist prescribed it for me when I was having such a hard time sleeping.

[Among other things that Alex didn't mention to him. Including having enthusiastic sex with someone you trust. Yeah, Dr. Bernier was weird like that.]

[Oh my god. If there's any way to make this miserable conversation goofy—

He covers his face with his hands.]

R-right. I've always just avoided it since it's illegal in New York, you know? And I don't have any medical issues, and I don't wanna lose any scholarships, and — like, pretty sure May would kill me. [Or not. He's kind of split 50-50 on whether May would kill him or tell him to smoke with her next time. May had always been kind of wild in her youth, so he's not even remotely surprised if she liked pot. B-but.] But since home ends up sucking so bad...

[Why not live a little.]

It's perfectly natural to experiment with it a little. And I know that they have places for it here, if it's what you want. Hell, it'd be fine if you wanted to experiment with it back home. That's what kids do, ya know? It's what I did when I was your age.

[Alex knows where she can get it, but she doesn't think that Jeff would just hand it over to Peter like that. He was a kid and Peter was a teacher, and yeah. Alex Reagan made bad decisions like someone was paying her to do it, but she wasn't going to do it with this. But there are other things that she can help with.]

Other stuff I can help with though. I've been thinking about a game night since you talked about not having played Clue. Given how many of us there are here from different places or whatever, it makes sense that we just have an open game night. Then maybe all of us can play five games we've never played before.

Edited (My cat thought the tag was done before I did.) 2018-09-08 01:12 (UTC)

[He brightens immediately at that.]

I'd love to have a game night. Me and my aunt, we always had at least one every other weekend — nothing too fancy, but you know, we'd really get into it. [After a moment, he breathes out, relieved that the heavy feeling in his shoulders have abated. It hurts to think about home when he knows home is... screwed up later, but it's always good to think of May. Always.] I'd just like that a lot.

Awesome!

[Honestly, Alex is more than a little bit relieved that he's brightened a bit, because the poor kid needs it.]

Then I'll work on getting it done, and invite everyone so that we can see who has different sorts of games. But I'll find somewhere to host it other than the house, because Richard might dump me if I invite that many people over.

[Her voice is light and amused at that, she's only probably forty percent serious.]

Karaoke is easily done too. I bet an adult could rent out a room for your friends somewhere if you wanted us too.

[But not come, because come on, let the kids be kids and all of that.]

[He rubs his face at the mention of karaoke. Even the thought of doing that in front of other people is enough to make him wanna turn into a turtle and hide in a shell. Forever. But hey, game night! That'll be fun, right? He can work his way up to confidence in singing just to be stupid and have fun.

He laughs a little, though.]

My friends here are kinda rowdy.

[His smile softens into something sadder, because certain friends aren't doing so well.

Certain friends who also had to learn about their deaths — but firsthand.

He shakes his head, though, trying to jar those thoughts loose and away.]

M—maybe I can do a game night at the school! Like how I did bad movie night?

[When that sad smile comes up again, Alex just leans over and hugs him once more, shaking her head as she did it. Alex couldn't help it, because the kid needs one. Or a hundred, or a thousand. Either way, the last thing he needed was to put together something that she was doing.]

I've got it, Peter. I'll deal with the school if need be, I promise. You don't need to be adding any other stressors onto your plate, okay? Besides, despite what Richard may say, I actually can do the whole planning bit. Really.

[He nods quickly against her shoulder.]

If you're sure... If you need any help though, I should probably return the favor.

I mean, you've been doing me a favor, listening to all this. Is all.

Trust me. I got this. And it's okay, Peter, if there's one thing that I am good at it is listening. It's all part of the job description.

[Alex just gave him a reassuring smile as she let go of him slowly, and then for some ungodly reason that she would hate later (old! When did she get so old?! She blamed Richard.) she just fluffed the hair on his head.]

When was the last time you ate.

[Yeah, that didn't help with the whole not being old feeling.]

[God, hair ruffling. His weakness. And it completely disarms him for the question, too.

He glances away guiltily and knows there's really no room for lying at this rate.]

... It's been a while. I haven't really had much of an appetite.

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