John snorts against her neck at her joke. It’s terrible, but appreciated. He’d rather laugh than cry.
“I don’t know.” A pause, concentrating on the sensation of Alex’s touch to keep himself grounded. He soaks up the proximity of her. It’s the first comfort he’s allowed himself since his downward spiral became a free-fall. The random bar hook ups aren’t the same as this. He doesn’t want to know their names, doesn’t want them to knows his. He isn’t looking to strangers to give him pleasure. He’s looking for them to turn him numb.
“No. He had his reasons, and they were valid.” John’s thought about it. Going to Poe and begging on his knees. Offering up whatever he wants, even if it’s just sex with no strings attached. Something’s better than nothing. John wants to tell himself it’s a matter of pride, but pride isn’t the half of it. Truth is, he just can’t handle being rejected a second time.
He’ll wait for the storm to pass. He knows it will, eventually, and Poe will be just one more scar amongst many. Except deeper than most, because he’d let him in farther than anyone. Like a goddamn fool. No wonder Poe had run in the opposite direction. No one sees that much of John Sheppard and stays. Hell, he’d leave himself if he could.
Never again.
He starts kissing Alex’s jaw, rough hand sliding up and down her side.
no subject
“I don’t know.” A pause, concentrating on the sensation of Alex’s touch to keep himself grounded. He soaks up the proximity of her. It’s the first comfort he’s allowed himself since his downward spiral became a free-fall. The random bar hook ups aren’t the same as this. He doesn’t want to know their names, doesn’t want them to knows his. He isn’t looking to strangers to give him pleasure. He’s looking for them to turn him numb.
“No. He had his reasons, and they were valid.” John’s thought about it. Going to Poe and begging on his knees. Offering up whatever he wants, even if it’s just sex with no strings attached. Something’s better than nothing. John wants to tell himself it’s a matter of pride, but pride isn’t the half of it. Truth is, he just can’t handle being rejected a second time.
He’ll wait for the storm to pass. He knows it will, eventually, and Poe will be just one more scar amongst many. Except deeper than most, because he’d let him in farther than anyone. Like a goddamn fool. No wonder Poe had run in the opposite direction. No one sees that much of John Sheppard and stays. Hell, he’d leave himself if he could.
Never again.
He starts kissing Alex’s jaw, rough hand sliding up and down her side.
“I don’t wanna talk anymore. Sex, shower, or breakfast. Lady’s choice.”